i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
