I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
