Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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