I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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