You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
