Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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