I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
