$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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