Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
