We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
