the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
