His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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