there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
