I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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