she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
