I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
