i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
