The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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