i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
