you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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