Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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