hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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