Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
