He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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