Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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