I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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