i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
