there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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