the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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