Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
