I smell stomach acid.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
