Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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