i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just gargled with NyQuil
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
