You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
