Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
