Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
