evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
