I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
