Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
