he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
