It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
