winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
