omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
