Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I love having hate sex.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I need to sanitize my soul.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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