this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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