God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
