I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
