recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
