someone threw a dead crab at me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
