I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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