I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
