bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
