I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
