____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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