Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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