That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
