Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
