yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
